Breaking Up Is Not Hard To Do

Advice Articles for Single Men and Women

She squeaks when she blows her nose. He eats like a rabid pig. Hey, ok, It's just not working out.

We've all spent some time stuck in a relationship we didn't want to be in because we didn't have the heart (or some other equipment)to end it.

Maybe we don't want to hurt someone we've been close to, or worse, maybe it's clear right away we're dealing with a nut andwe don't want to be the trigger for an economy-sized bottle of Prozac and a six-week stint at the Bendy Willow Psychiatric Center.

So what do you do when it's completely obvious you're just not meant to be together? You break up. Or, you try to break up, don't quite hit the mark, and end up sucked back into the awful relationship for round two, because you just couldn't make it stick.

Is there a way to make it permanent without causing permanent damage?

The key is to have a plan, a good plan.

Think Real Estate - Location, Location, Location. It's really important to pick a good strategic breakup setting.

The best places to have "the talk" are both public but fairly private, with a convenient escape route.

The best location? Outside,walking at a park. It's crowded enough to ensure you won't havea big scene, but private enough your dumpee won't feel like he orshe is naked at a funeral.

Other agreeable break up locales include restaurants (but not a favorite restaurant) or a walk around the block.

The worst place to break up? At a party or work. The only thing worse than being dumped is being dumped in front of people you're going to have to see on a regular basis.

Timing Is Everything.
Another key to effective breakups is precise timing. Breaking up at a park gives both your dumpee and you the chance toleave once the deed is done.

If you're ending the relationship at a restaurant, do it only after the check has come and you've paid for dinner.

(And by the way, if you're about to dump someone,you should DEFINITELY be buying dinner.) There's nothing more horrifying than being dumped and then having to sit around making small talk for another 20 minutes while you're waitingfor the check to come. (As in, "Hey Lula, what are you doingnow that you don't have plans for tonight? Laundry?")

Happy Freaking Birthday.
Never break up with someone within two weeks of a major holiday or his/her birthday. Make that a month for Valentine'sDay and Christmas.

There's no faster entry to the Bitch/BastardHall of Fame than permanently destroying the holidays for yoursoon-to-be-ex.

It's just not nice, and you don't want that what-goes-around-comes-around thing biting you in the ass when your turn as the dumpee rolls back around.

It's Not You, It's Me.The first thing to remember is not to drag it out. The longer it takes, the worse it is for everybody involved.

Whenever you end the relationship, be sure to make your reasonsrelevant only to you. Say, "This is not working for me." Stickwith your basis and keep repeating yourself over and over ifnecessary.

It's impossible for someone to argue with you about reasons that pertain only to you. If you end up getting sucked into a situation where you have to list grounds forwanting it over, you may find yourself in for an encore.

If you say, "we fight too much" or "you don't seem happy" your soon to be ex partner may offer to change, taking all the air out of your break-up and landing you right back in the relationship.

Hire A Hit Man.Worst-case scenario, you're too much of a weenie tobreakup with your girl or guy yourself, you can alwaysresort to the newest companion service to online dating.

For a fee, lets breakup.com will inform your wish-you-were-my-ex of the relationship's demise by phone, email or snailmail. Certainly not the most sensitive approach, but it gets the job done.

***Lisa Daily is the author of Stop Getting Dumped! All you need to know to make men fall madly in love with you andmarry "The One" in 3 years or less. At bookstores everywhere. As seen in/on Cosmopolitan, Men's Health and Ricki Lake.

Defining Romance
There are always a number of men who look vaguely offended when they hear the word "romance," and women who mutter about how they loathe pink hearts. But it doesn't have to be that way. Romance is a cliche only if you allow yourself to think of it that way.

You don't have to serenade people in balconies or build enormous monuments to your love. Romance works well enough without Michael Bolton sappiness and extravagant gestures. You just have to keep in touch with what it's all about.

Sharing Yourself
Sometimes, there is nothing more romantic than truly sharing. The "give in order to receive" rule works here too. Yes, that sounds suspiciously like philanthropy, but while it is actually romantic to give up the last slice of pizza to the one you love, think about sharing on a deeper level - a poem you love, a song that speaks to you, a place that brings magic back into your life, or just a moment when everything clicks and falls into place.

Show your partner or someone you are beginning to know, something really beautiful. Share your innermost secrets, because that's what allows them to look at you and know that you two have a unique connection.

Careful Flirting
Why flirt when you've "got" the other person, and why flirt when years or even just months of being together have taken the passion out of your relationship? Life is all about balance.

You've got to make sure that seriousness and laughter meet halfway. Responsibility and familiarity are great, when tempered with judicious doses of abandon.

Flirting is fun and light-hearted, it reminds you of how things were and still could be, and besides, too much heavy stuff takes the romance out of romance. So bat those eyelashes and propose midnight walks. Just be sure that when your partner flirts with you, you're responsive.

No one likes feeling rejected, especially when they are making an effort to brighten your life.

The element of surprise
This is a natural extension of flirting. Be open to surprises and change in the routine, and you experience one of the fundamental joys of romance, the unexpected. Romance is all about being stimulated in new ways - you can never forget your first kiss, can you? Some people are afraid of commitment simply because it's the thrill of the first kiss or the first caress that they know they will miss. The element of surprise is one of the most vital, energizing things about being romantic. So say no to routine and predictability.

Respect Yourself and Partner
When you're in love you are automatically considerate and go out of your way to meet the other person halfway, right? Yet, if you think about it, romance is a pretty hedonistic feeling. It's all about another person making you feel like your world just expanded and filled with light and music.

But we've all seen this lovely feeling turn into pure selfishness when the first thrill dies down. People start taking each other for granted and expecting the other person to accommodate their every desire.

A healthy dose of respect means that you treat each other with greater understanding and sensitivity - qualities essential to keeping romance alive and truly meaningful.

It's an "Us" Thing
We all know that sex and romance are two different beasts, especially for the ladies, that guys are inarticulate and would replace red roses and candlelit dinners with a football game and beer. Utter Rubbish.

Believing this is akin to believing in the generalization that all men and women are the same because we all have two ears, two eyes and a nose. It can also limit your ideas about romantic experiences to red roses, teddy bears, pink ribbons and the like.

Every situation, every individual, and every couple is different, and when you realize that, you're on your way to having a truly healthy sense of the romantic.

You've got to make your own romantic history with another person, and if this means recognizing the significance of a stinky t-shirt, or that awful room you shared in a Cambodian village, so be it. Romance is not just this mushy thing you read about in women's magazines. It is what you make of it.

Take it easy
You know how queasy you were when you ate a whole chocolate cake instead of just one small, albeit sinfully calorie laden slice. The best things in life come in small, frequent doses.

Overdoing the whole romance thing can give you a hangover or aversion syndrome pretty fast, so other than the fundamentals, dispense the gestures judiciously. Make sure you keep the other person - and yourself - coming back for more.

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